childhood is asking your parents to go to mcdonalds but they say no because “we got food at the house”
adulthood is going to mcdonalds despite having food at the house, but not getting a drink at mcdonalds because you got drinks at the house
Why do people think the laws of man and nature don’t apply in beach bathrooms? What is it about beach bathrooms that makes people enter the heart of darkness and decide that toilet paper can go anywhere?
Last night I dreamt that Cardi B was engaged to Bill O’Reily and literally no one else was bothered by this except me so I went on all the late night talk shows and was like “WHY IS THIS OKAY?” And Time Magazine called me Hater of the Year.
she guessed my favorite color first try..
but between me and u……. i didnt even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow!! she was hella excited n smiling like a little kid. so i told her she was right and i havent seen yellow the same since, its in everything. i could probably live in it now.
at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ‘c’ to a ‘g’
and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it
kennacookie